10 (actually 12 but 10 sounds better) Things Getting Me Through A Divorce

March 4, 2014

I have received a few emails recently asking about how I am coping with my divorce (or how to get through tough times). Talking about this in a public way is always really hard for me but I figure there are many in my same circumstance and I hope to be able to help at least one other woman find peace and a way to cope with things even though it is hard for me to talk about this kind of stuff.

1. Church. I do not talk about my faith very often on this blog because this is a running/food/pictures of Brooke blog but my religion and prayer have done more for me than I ever thought possible. It is my center. My core. No matter what your religion is or what your beliefs are I think that it is so important to find peace through some sort of spirituality.

For so many months the only possible way for me to get out of bed in the morning was if I went straight to my knees to pray and then that is what gave me the strength to stand.

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2. Brooke. I really think she is my miracle. I absolutely love being a mom and she is such a happy little thing… it is hard to be sad around her. Focusing on her well-being is quite healing for me. It is amazing how much serving someone else helps ourselves.

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3. Each member of my family. I wish more than anything that every woman in my situation could have a family to help them the way that mine do.

4. Running. There is nothing like pounding out your emotions on the roads. Just one run can change your whole perspective and there is nothing like sweating and crying at the same time to really help you release emotions and process your thoughts.

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5. Friends. I would never want to turn any discussions with friends into a ‘bashing’ but talking about my situation and feelings with close friends has been very therapeutic. I have a friend that has been in very similar situation and is on the other side and she gives me so much hope. I know that in years from now that I will be that friend to someone else and help them to know it will all be okay.

6. Hope. Positive thinking. Looking forward and not behind. Gratitude. Focusing on the good stuff in life.

7. Each month I plan something that I can really look forward to during those times that are hard and I am feeling down. Whether it is a trip with friends, a race, a shopping trip with my mom or forcing my Sis or Paige and Jess to spend 24 hours straight with me… Something to have my eye on to think about when I get down.

8. Food. Yep. I said it. I know everyone says that we shouldn’t use food for ‘emotional’ reasons but I sure do and I like it that way. Whether it is a good meal out with friends or chocolate in bed when I am reading, it makes me happy.

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9. Counseling. This is more of a future one. I have not yet found one that I really connect with but I know eventually I will:) I have received some counseling from church leaders and my mom is the world’s best counselor/listener ever.

10. Yes, it is important to process through situations BUT some things just hurt too much or sometimes you just don’t want to think about anything at all… Find something that lets you completely escape so that you don’t have to think about anything.

For me my escapes are: the movies, reading intense books and getting on Pinterest for hours late at night until I can fall asleep.

11. Music. There are so many songs that I listen to on repeat because the words in them give me power and strength.

Shake it Out by Florence + The Machine has been my favorite lately:

“It’s ALWAYS darkest before the DAWN.”

12. Take the high road. No matter what. You will heal eventually but I promise that ‘revenge/bad-talking/telling everyone your story/etc. etc’ will not make you feel any better.

What gets you through your hardest times?!?!

Katie Slade March 4, 2014 at 2:08 pm

This is a wonderful list. Thank you for sharing a part of your life we don’t normally hear about.

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Megan March 4, 2014 at 2:09 pm

love this post and your willingness to be open and honest with your readers <3

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Jamie @ Sometimes Healthy Living Blog March 4, 2014 at 2:11 pm

Great post Janae! I always admire your ability to say so much in such a simple, yet eloquent way at the same time. Being long-winded is a huge issue with me, so I just want you to know how amazing I think that is :-)

As someone going through a breakup right now, I relate to so many of these tips. My relationship was only a couple years, and though I’m still processing, I feel like I’m getting to the other side quickly. I can imagine being married and having a child would add such complexity to the situation. I think the biggest help for me has been friends and family. I found this quote the other day and really related to it…

“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it within yourself.”

I moved home after the breakup and being surrounded by those people has been the best medicine of all.

I know you don’t like to talk about it, but when you do, I promise you that you are helping others :-) So, thanks for your honesty and general awesomeness. I love your blog and always will!

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Karen (@karenlovestorun) March 4, 2014 at 2:13 pm

Love this post and your honesty! Thank you for sharing with us -xo
Karen @karenlovestorun

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Monica March 4, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Great post Janae! Thank you for sharing. Prayer is a biggie in my book too. Really that whole list where things that I used too to get through my divorce!

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Sage March 4, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Beautiful list. I will be sure to give these tips to those people in my life who are getting a divorce.

http://www.ahintofsage.blogspot.com/

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Becca March 4, 2014 at 2:22 pm

I always like your posts, even the ones that are difficult for you. I’m glad you’re slowly healing.

Exercise (and having goals with it) and friends were what helped me get through my darkest time…and taking the high road no matter HOW BADLY I wanted to take the low road. Also, during difficult workouts, I used to imagine that certain people I really disliked were right behind me at a finish line and that I just had to beat them. It worked!

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Kim March 4, 2014 at 2:35 pm

Such a great post Janae!! You are seriously so amazing and such a role model to a lot of people! :)

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Kelly March 4, 2014 at 2:39 pm

Running and yoga helps me plus my amazing family and friends. Thinking about you!

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Caitlin March 4, 2014 at 2:46 pm

Wonderful post. I have been dealing with reoccurring miscarriages among other big changes in my life and I find church, running, my husband and dogs, hanging our abd doing crafts with my friends the best cure. Also, red wine occasionally helps :)

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Melanie March 4, 2014 at 2:51 pm

You are so strong girl! Thank you for sharing your personal journey with us. I don’t know your family and friends personally but from the great things you say about them, it seems like you have a great support system :)

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Heidi March 4, 2014 at 2:53 pm

You are amazing. Thanks for sharing this list. My respect level for you went through the roof when you started off with your faith. :) I love that. It’s carried me, too, when I couldn’t walk (I have a situation similar to yours). Praying for healing for us both.

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Jacki March 4, 2014 at 3:16 pm

Brave & amazing words, thanks for sharing

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Hilary March 4, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Thank you for sharing Janae! I am so glad you talked about your faith! Prayer definitely gets me through my hard times and counting my blessings. This will make you stronger in the end and stronger for Brookers as well!

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Meg March 4, 2014 at 3:52 pm

Janae, you are amazing. Also, I completely agree — not everyone needs to know your story — Nothing wrong with having a healthy reserve about yourself and saving it for trusted friends who have your best interest at heart. YES! I love your blog. Always so hopeful.

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Megan @ The Skinny-Life March 4, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Great post! I love this list because it applies to so many difficult and challenging times in people’s lives not just divorce. I believe running has huge in changing my perspective on life. I solve some of the most overwhelming problems when I’m on the road. I only hope that very soon I can kick this foot injury to the curb and be back out there. I’m really missing it.

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Erin @ Snapbacks and Racing Flats March 4, 2014 at 4:12 pm

Running definitely gets me through some really hard times. I have obviously (I’m 18) never been through something like a divorce… But, like everyone, I have had tragedy occur in my life. I have panic attacks and anxiety and horrible body image, and as cliche as it is… running is really my medicine for all of that. Nothing else clears me head like running. Nothing else makes me feel good about myself like running does. I am so grateful for it. I’m super passionate about music as well, so that gets me through a lot. And than, of course, my amazing family and friends. I had a panic attack the other night and my friends walked over to a kiddie park with me at 4am to help me calm down. That’s love.

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Elizabeth March 4, 2014 at 4:17 pm

Thank you for sharing this list! It was perfect timing to read this today. I admire your strength through your more difficult times.

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Holly March 4, 2014 at 4:21 pm

Thank you for having the strength and courage to share this. You help more people than you realize.

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Nancy March 4, 2014 at 4:25 pm

I’m sure all your family says you are a strong woman, which of course you are, but I never believe my fam when they tell me….so pls start believing, strength, whether it be faith, family or food (the 3 F’s)

My sons are all grown up now, going thru the BIG D is never easy – they were not as small as Brooke, but they love their MAMA….cause I am always there for them, their father is never there when they need him….as hard as it is she will need her father and you are so good at letting her go with him.

Even though the D was hard, loosing my parents was the toughest BY FAR – so I do things that I know would make them happy and proud – go to their church, cook one of their fav meals

Love you and Brooke bunches!!!

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Sarah March 4, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Janae, what a wonderful post. You are truly a graceful woman nd set such an amazing example for Brooke and everyone around you.

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Megs March 4, 2014 at 4:30 pm

I love this so much. And you. And all of these things. You are an inspiration sweet girl. LOVE YOU!!! xoxoxo

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autismmum March 4, 2014 at 4:47 pm

I really enjoyed reading your post today. It reminded me there is so much to be thankful for in life. Brooke certainly is a miracle. She’s gorgeous. I think my answer to your question is hope. If a person has no hope then the future seems pointless.

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Neel March 4, 2014 at 5:04 pm

Loved the post. For me some time in solitude, meditation and yes, a long run works every time.
Hats off to you for sharing such a challenging phaase of your life online. All the best.

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Heather @IRun4Cookies March 4, 2014 at 5:13 pm

Great post and your list is perfect. Prayer is #1 for me as well. My Grandmother used to always say “This too shall pass.” And even though it doesn’t feel like it when you’re in the middle of tough times, things WILL get better. Hugs and prayers.

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Sarah March 4, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Xoxoxo

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Rachel@curious runner March 4, 2014 at 5:43 pm

You are amazing and the way you are getting through this time is so inspirational. Well done. You will come out stronger than you ever thought possible, I’m sure! xx

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Debbie @ Deb Runs March 4, 2014 at 6:42 pm

You have such a mature approach to your healing. I only wish you the best!

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Diana March 4, 2014 at 11:21 pm

I completely agree. Mad props to you Janae.

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Robyn March 4, 2014 at 6:50 pm

I’m sure this will help lots of readers- nobody wants to think they are doing this alone. Florence is a good old boost- so is Imagine Dragons- on top of the world!
You are so much stronger than you think you are x

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tess March 4, 2014 at 7:07 pm

First of all…yes yes and yes to #12.
Second…good Lord those little ruffles on that swimsuit do me in every time.
Always grace and class Miss Janae. Way to show them how it’s done.

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Nikki @ will run for pizza March 4, 2014 at 8:07 pm

Great list! Having gone through a divorce myself, I can relate to every single one of these. I actually did a 5 month missions trip with Youth With A Mission during my divorce, and I know that being in that environment, around that group of people, was EXACTLY where God wanted me and what I needed! I actually found out that it was final, while I was in India…on a payphone in the middle of a mall….I was blessed to have the people around me that I had. Your right, there is always hope and its a beautiful thing when God can use your pain to help give someone else hope :)

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Heather March 4, 2014 at 8:48 pm

You are truly one of the most incredible woman I have ever met! You are so right on all of these. You are so strong. You are an incredible example to Brooke. You are an incredible example to me. So blessed to have you in my life. I know time will heal all wounds. I agree that prayer, food, family friends and running can cure most ailments. Love you dearly. Thanks for sharing and know how much you mean to me :)

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chelsea @ the new wifestyle March 4, 2014 at 9:07 pm

i really appreciate this post Janae. while i do not know what it’s like going through a divorce, i did watch my parents go through one and my dad a second one so i have seen on the other side how tough that is for a family.

i also want to note how important it is that you said no trash talking/bashing/etc especially in front of your little one. i appreciate that my parents kept their issues between the two of them and never put myself or my sister in the middle or spoke ill of each other in front of us.

i know divorce is never what any one wants but it sounds like you are making the best of a hard situation and i’m glad you realize it will get better :)

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Claire March 4, 2014 at 10:57 pm

Janae,

I’m not especially religious (not at all actually)but your comment about some mornings needing to get straight your knees to pray so you had the strength to stand was just beautiful. I’m glad you have found comfort in your faith.

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Jamie @milestohomestead.com March 5, 2014 at 4:35 am

This post made me cry. Not that I’m going through anything like this but just your words and your hope that better days are ahead provide inspiration for those out there that are dealing with the same thing and are reading your blog. What a great message this sends. I also think all of these tips can be applied to all aspects of life. I only know you through this blog but I feel for your position in life right now and I truly hope that all of these things see you through this…and I know for sure that your adorable little girl will do just that. Best wishes to you.

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Kate Wicker March 5, 2014 at 5:45 am

You are such a wise, inspiring women, Janae. Brooke is so lucky to have you as a mother. I imagine it’s terribly difficult to put yourself out there and to talk about something so heartbreaking, but your perspective and the grace with which you’re handling this difficult time in your life is a gift to others.

I also think your advice here applies to all sorts of difficult life circumstances. Thank you for sharing your heart.

God bless you!

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Katie March 5, 2014 at 6:48 am

I love your list! There is so much to be thankful for and you are truly inspiring!

When I am having a bad time I will pray and curl up in my bed and browse the web…

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DontBlameTheKids March 5, 2014 at 7:05 am

I want to send this to everyone on the planet who is getting divorced, because #12 is so, so important for the kids and if you want to still like yourself a year from now.

Also: Gah! I swear I am not copying you. I wrote today’s blog post two weeks ago, so it is just a coincidence, really!

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Amanda March 5, 2014 at 7:42 am

I applaud you so much on how you have handled this situation. You have done it with grace and dignity and that is all you can do. Thank you for posting this for others!

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Adrianna March 5, 2014 at 7:40 pm

fantastic post! your blog is the best, and your honesty and perspective is really amazing. prayers and smiles :)

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Jenn@Mark My Miles! March 6, 2014 at 6:03 am

Prayer is definitely helping me not feel so alone.

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Nikki March 6, 2014 at 6:23 am

Time heals

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Jenny March 6, 2014 at 10:39 am

This is a great post. I know first hand how hard divorce is when you have a small child. My ex cheated on me and it devastated me. I lost so much weight and just found it hard to move. I did get on my feet and have been self supported since 2005. Prayer is the key. I like that you also find something exciting to focus on. Makes you think happy thoughts instead of the opposite  I should have done counseling and to this day probably need some regarding self-esteem. My daughter has been my focus and she is my life. My ex signed her out of his life so she’s been solely my responsibility. I will admit though, there are days when I just want to be left alone and go off and cry somewhere because of so much on my shoulders….mortgage, car, job…..all the adult stuff….all on me. I know time will create a bandage for you to cover the hurt.

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Lucy March 6, 2014 at 2:42 pm

I’m pretty sure this is my first time commenting, but I just want to say (along with so many others it seems!) that you are amazing and you are doing this with so much grace, and I’m super impressed by you and your strength. I am 5 1/2 years out of a divorce and reading this totally made me cry as I suddenly remembered all of the feelings I was feeling at that time and the ways I learned to cope. Nights were my hardest because I would be so lonely and start doubting my decision, and I totally had to eat chocolate and read/watch movies to get through them. :) Just know that it gets better, and you might not believe it, because I don’t think I would have had someone told me at the time, but there will come a day where it doesn’t hurt anymore. In fact, I forget that I was ever divorced. Like, I hear about people who are going through a divorce, and my first thought isn’t even to remember my divorce, but instead I think how hard it would be to go through a divorce. I don’t even know if that makes sense. Keep having faith, sweet Janae! I remember the day I decided I was done, I went to the temple, and in there I had such a confirmation that I was doing the right thing. Growing up, I always kind of felt like there was a bit of a stigma against getting divorced in the church, and so I really resisted the idea, so when I felt like it was the right thing to do, I felt very grateful and felt courage to move on. I’m now remarried with 2 little girls and couldn’t be happier. It’s so worth it! So, so worth going through the pain to get to the other side! Lot’s of prayers your way! (and I’m sure this post helped way more than one person!)

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Katie Did What March 6, 2014 at 8:10 pm

This was all such good advice. You are so so strong and it’s amazing to see your journey through this difficult situation. I am right there with you, that FAITH and HOPE are two of the major things that keep me going when I’m dealing with something so heavy and sad and seemingly impossible to move on from. My faith is so important to me and sometimes it’s all that keeps me going. Also, a good support system is SO incredible to have. <3 Thanks for sharing, I know how hard it is!

xo

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Kiales March 7, 2014 at 6:02 am

I love this, and I love that you use your “powers” aka blogging for good. Thanks for sharing your strength!

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Janice March 8, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Great post. I feel that a lot of people don’t talk about breakups and divorces. I know it is hard but I think we should learn to share so we can heal. Also, you never know who else is hurting that could aid from sharing. Thank you for sharing.
Music and running got me through many hard times and through my ‘D’. Years later when I hear those songs they make me smile because I know they made me stronger. Day by Day…mile by mile got me through to the other side.

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terra March 11, 2014 at 5:46 pm

I love this post so much and it’s exactly what I needed to read. I’m going through a divorce as well, for the worst reason, and I hate it because I love my husband so, so much and I really thought we would always be together and now we’re not and so it’s hard. Running has been the biggest thing that gets be through and what you say about crying and sweating is exactly right – it helps.

And this is one of my most favorite quotes, which I keep coming back to in these difficult times:
“The cure for anything is salt water – tears, sweat, or the sea.”― Isak Dinesen, Seven Gothic Tales

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CarolineRose March 16, 2014 at 5:40 pm

Janae you are my inspiration, you are such an amazing strong woman and you sound like such an awesome mum. I went through a divorce years ago and yes it is so painful at the time but yes you do heal in time. The best thing you both can do is concentrate on the best interests of your beautiful little girl. I keep you in my prayers and remember to run, running got me through. Take care xo

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Tiffany June 17, 2014 at 11:21 pm

Wow. This is inspiring. And that last part. I wish I would have learned that 2 years ago! You are amazing.

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