This last weekend marked the 6 month date from the day that I filed for divorce.
I spent a lot of time over the last few days really thinking about things (I have mastered the skill of not thinking about painful things really well but every now and then I can’t stop thinking about it for like 30 hours straight;) and analyzing where I was 6 months ago and where I am now.
It made me realize how thankful I am for time.
When everything first happened I would always try to tell myself that time heals everything and that everything would work out… it is great to be optimistic and all but at the same time I felt like that type of thought didn’t validate how I felt at that moment. So I don’t mean to tell anyone that is going through a really hard time that what you feel right now doesn’t matter since eventually you will be fine… because what you feel right now does matter and it does hurt. BUT I do want to offer a little bit of hope to anyone that is going through heck or anyone in the future that will go through something like what I did.
It really does get better.
For the first month after I moved back to Utah my mom would sit on my bed every night and talk to me and give me a head massage until I fell asleep because I couldn’t fall asleep on my own.
I remember celebrating the first time that I didn’t cry once that entire day a month or two later.
I went through a really angry stage (hello 1/2 marathon PRs). A really depressed stage (hello not wanting to do anything besides eat ice cream and watch Parenthood) and all of the other emotions you can imagine
I started feeling like Janae again not that long ago and I called my sister to tell her the good news. She understood perfectly.
The pain from my divorce went from a daily struggle 6 months ago to now when it is a once every few weeks struggle (usually correlating with when Brooke is gone).
Time really is one of the best gifts possible.
It gives you the ability to get away from the hurt. It allows you the opportunity to start feeling more comfortable and secure with your new normal and it proves to you that you are strong and that you really can push through anything.
Time heals all wounds no matter how deep or how painful. I really did believe at the beginning that it would be impossible to feel the way I do now but somehow it happened and I know that it will continue to happen and my past will get farther and farther away me. Hallelujah.
And that concludes yet again another time where I post something that makes me feel extremely vulnerable;) I just hope that it can help anyone else struggling with things to just get through a day at a time and before you know it, it will be months down the road and you will be back to yourself again.
Remember how you thought this was a running blog?!? Ha.
Just in case you are here to read about running and babies….
-I am in love with the PureCadence 3s. In love. They have taken over the #1 shoe slot in my life.
-26 days until my next 1/2 marathon. We are going to have two hard weeks of training and then a nice little taper and then we will be ready to race March 1st in sunny Phoenix. I will finally defrost.
-Brooke no longer calls me Elmo anymore and she now calls me Nae. Baby steps. I am guessing by the time she turns 2 that she will call me Mama.
-I didn’t watch one second of the Super Bowl yesterday and I am more than okay with that.
Did you watch the Super Bowl? Did you have a favorite commercial?
How much longer until your next race?
Current favorite running shoe?