I am going through the hardest time of my life.

August 12, 2013

As you may or may not know I recently filed for divorce.  

I am having an extremely hard time with this sudden event.  The last few weeks have been the hardest of my entire life.  

Thank goodness for my family.  

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I just need some time to process everything that has happened.  In the meantime I would like to continue to blog about the best parts of my day, like I have always done.  I am aware that every single human has trials and really hard times, and I am not exempt from this, but I am a positive person and I like to focus on the good things in life and on the blog. 

Don’t you worry about me, I am strong and I will get through this.      

Brookers is in heaven being near her cousins/grandparents/Mer/aunts/uncles, my parents’ dog and a whole house to explore.  I don’t know what I would do without her, she is my world.

And a picture of Brooke eating ice cream because she makes me happy.   

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I really do love you guys and I am so thankful to have you in my life.

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In the interest of protecting the people involved, I hope that everyone will respect the sensitive nature of this situation. 

susan August 15, 2013 at 1:52 pm

I thought it was all so perfect, stay at home running/cooking/eating mom, student hubby and an adorable baby. I am so sorry to see it end like this. Keep going one day at a time. My own baby daughter got me through my own devastating divorce almost 25 years ago ( She’s 26 now). It was through her that I kept my sanity. I have been down this road and you, of all people, CAN HANDLE THIS. (Hugs)

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Nicole J August 15, 2013 at 3:21 pm

I so hope you are continuing to read comments!! I wasn’t going to comment originally, only because you already had hundreds of them. But I keep thinking of you. It’s funny how you have no idea who I am yet I know so much about you. You are such an inspiration to me. I will never be as fast as you (even when you were very very pregnant you were still faster than me!!) but I look up to you more than I do any Olympic athlete. Please know that you, Brooke, and Billy (because this can’t be easy for him either) are in my thoughts and prayers. While I hope you keep posting regularly, everyone will understand- and come back! You are my hero. You are so strong and I love that I work everyday just to be a little bit faster, just like you!!

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maggie August 15, 2013 at 5:10 pm

Janae,
I had to read the first line 3 times before it went into my brain and I realized what you were saying.

I found your blog two summers ago during a trying time in MY life, and I found it so uplifting that I sat there and read like, every blog you’d ever posted in one day (it was a bad day). Since then, I come back daily for a dose of your optimism and your determined spirit, and I get it. I read it for inspiration before lacing up my running shoes, read it on the treadmill, and read it as a break from work on the days I can’t run so I can at least read about YOUR run.. and I read it just to hear a positive voice when all the voices in my head have a not-so-positive spin.

I almost didn’t post because, well, you already have >1000 comments already…then I realized that was silly and if it does even one bit of good then its worth saying something.

We’ve all seen you work through a lot of hard things with such a great attitude, amazing determination, logic, and grace. I’ve never seen you give up on something because it wasn’t easy- you push yourself daily. I have no doubt you made the right decision for you and your family, and I have NO DOUBT you’ll be JUST FINE. I take that back. If I’ve gotten to know you at all during these past two years, I know you’ll be FAR BETTER THAN FINE. YOU’LL BE GREAT. And I can’t wait to read about it.
Hugs,
Maggie

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maggie August 15, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I forgot to say: I’m eating ice cream in your honor. right. now. :)

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Potatoes and Pilates August 15, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Oh, Janae.

I read this post for the first time yesterday morning and I haven’t stopped thinking about you and this situation. Suffice to say that I have actually read it a few times now but it doesn’t make it easier to process. There is not much else that I can say that hasn’t already been said but please know that you are in my thoughts.

Sending love and light your way. x

P.S. Happy Birthday to your beautiful baby Brooke.

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Ari @ The Pace of it All August 15, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Sending you massive doses of hugs, girly… I have been unfortunately been there and remember your feelings all too well. You’ll get through this though, you’re a wonderfully strong person with a fantastic family and an adorable little girl. :)

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Mallory August 15, 2013 at 7:50 pm

I’m another long time reader who rarely comments, but who is thinking of you. I went through a bad breakup about a year ago, and this blog really helped me: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2011/07/introduction.html
Mara & Danny are wonderful, inspiring, and easy to relate to (just like you!), and they have both been through divorces. Their words helped me in some of my darkest days, and so I wanted to pass it along, just in case it can help in some small way. Prayers for you, Brooke & your family! Thank you for brightening my days & helping me become a better runner!!

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Monica August 15, 2013 at 8:24 pm

Hey I hope you’re still reading comments, I know I’m late but I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I still don’t know what to say but if you have a minute you could listen to this talk by Jeffrey R Holland: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1999/10/an-high-priest-of-good-things-to-come?lang=eng
I’m not one to sit around and listen to general conference talks but I come back to this one every time I’m having a hard time just living life and getting through each day. I hope it helps. Hugs to you and Brooke. Things will look up.

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Maggie August 15, 2013 at 11:10 pm

Janae- I’m praying for you and your family. I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now and found you through PB Fingers. Every time I see FMW I think of you :)

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Kater August 16, 2013 at 9:35 am

Oh Janae…I’m so sorry. Shocking, sad news. It hits home with me because my husband and I have been teetering on the edge of divorce for about 6 months now due to various issues, and it’s just been misery.

I hope that you can regain some peace soon, pick up the pieces and move on to a new, happier life. You are strong, intelligent, resilient and well-loved and you have the greatest little inspiration and motivator by your side to keep you going. Praying for you (and me)… {{{{Hugs}}}}

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Lori August 16, 2013 at 10:51 am

I am so sorry you are going through this. I started running 2 years ago and found you and now I feel like I know you. Janae, you are a lovely and strong woman and a great mom. In time you will realize that all life events happen for a reason. Keep running and taking care of yourself and Brooke.

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Nic August 16, 2013 at 11:48 am

I was debating writing a comment because you have so many, but can you ever have TOO many hugs?????

I don’t think so. Sending love your way.

I’m also going through my own marriage trials and this time I let close friends and family know and I actually took them up on their offers to help. It makes SUCH a difference. When people say, call any time, they really mean it.

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Peachylau August 16, 2013 at 1:20 pm

I am so sorry. As you will see from the couple of comments I left on your blog today I have not been here in a while. You can not have too many hugs so I am sending you an extra large one. Take care xxxxxxx

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Bryn August 16, 2013 at 6:57 pm

I hope you know what an inspiration you are. With all that you share on this blog, I know that the number of individuals you have reached and touched is more than you can fathom. You are so strong, optimistic, passionate, determined and caring that you inspire me each day to be a better person. It is clear from reading your blog that you live your life and love others with the sort of God inspire reckless abandon that we are all called to do. You are a true blessing to all those that you encounter. Of all the blogs I read, yours is my absolute favorite and it is because of the aforementioned things. You and your family are in my prayers. Take care of yourself and keep being you :)

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Rebecca August 17, 2013 at 10:54 am

Hi Janae,
I hadn’t visited your blog in a week or two and just getting a chance to catch up now. I am so sorry you are going through this sad time. I want you to know that your blog has always cheered me up when I’ve gone through a tough time myself, and I hope that all of our comments can give back a little bit of the positivity and general loveliness you have given us! I am so glad you are surrounded by your family and especially your sister (sisters are the best!). Stay strong and Happy Birthday to your beautiful Brooke. xxx

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Kelly August 17, 2013 at 3:19 pm

Oh, Janae.

I’m so sorry to read this. Sending lots of hugs, prayers, and good thoughts your and Brooke’s way.

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cara August 17, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I am so sorry. I am going through this right now. My husband of 3 years, and partner in crime of almost 10 years has decided to leave me. I wish I could hug. I wish we both didnt have to know how this feels. Just remember you are not alone. That helps me through the day.

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Leslie August 17, 2013 at 7:16 pm

So I know you have received a million and one comments and I did tweet this already a few days ago, but you have been on my mind so much. My husband was actually the one to tell me texting me, “isn’t hungry runner the blog you love so much” “yes!” and he told me the news he had heard via Twitter (which made me tear up in Target, I kid you not. We all care so much!). I’ve been praying for you, for Brooke, and for Billy every night. I know I don’t know you personally but like everyone else, it sure feels like I do. Keep your head up, keep running and keep that light shining and never forget you have so many of us who love and support you!!

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Toby B. August 18, 2013 at 6:15 pm

I’m sorry, Janae! Really truly sorry. Running will keep you sane, your blogging friends will listen, and heavenly angels will carry you. Hang on! (((Luvs)))

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katie@lifesnextbigstep August 19, 2013 at 7:32 am

Ive been thinking about you since I read last week – you are amazingly strong and I know you will make it through this with flying colors. Xoxo

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Amanda N August 19, 2013 at 10:37 am

Janae, I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now and have loved every bit of it. I was a little sad when reading this this morning (I’m catching up on my favorite blogs) but what matters is that in the end you’re happy. You’re a strong person and you will get through this hard time, you have wonderful family and friends – and a whole blog world that loves you. Hope Brooke had a wonderful birthday! :)

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Elizabeth M. August 19, 2013 at 10:55 am

Hugs lady, I haven’t been reading blogs lately, so I’ve been catching up. So sorry about your news, I know exactly how you feel and am going through something similar, now you’re in Utah you’ll have to text me and we can go frolick with the dogs and Brooke. xx

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Shannon August 19, 2013 at 12:57 pm

Oh Janae, I am so sorry. I was catching up after being on vacation and I’m just so sad that you and Brooke are going through this. I’m so glad you have your family around you for support. I don’t know you personally, but your blog makes me smile and I admire your courage and ability to continue to try to focus on the good parts of your days. Please know your readers love you and are thinking about you. Take one day at a time, I know the future holds so many wonderful things for you and for Brooke. Keep on going, Janae. A million hugs.

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Katey August 19, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Oh Janae! I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this hard time. My prayers and thoughts are with you guys.

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Rick Stiles August 19, 2013 at 3:41 pm

Your news broke my heart! I just now found out about this as I have been pretty much AWOL from FaceBook for a while. Your blog is a favorite of mine and I can’t believe I missed this.

You ARE a positive person. It is one of the things that makes your blog so much fun to read. I know you will get through this, but I also know you are hurting. I truly hope the good times return soon.

Thank you for sharing with us, your readers, both the fun, silly things and the heart wrenching ones. You are loved.

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Maria August 19, 2013 at 4:25 pm

It will be the hardest year of your life but you will come though a stronger person. I’m glad you love ice cream as much as I do. It helps, only if for a few min out of each day, Indulge.

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Kathee August 19, 2013 at 4:34 pm

When I saw your last link I suddenly realized I hadn’t read a post from you in a very long time. I work a ton and my own blog has suffered because of my divorce that started in December and was final in June.
Big hugs and I hope you find peace in your heart. I do know how it feels and the only advice I can give you is to be strong and know that you can do whatever you have to do, no matter how difficult the task may be.

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Jaclyn Dexter August 20, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Janae–I have been a daily (multiple times) reader of your blog since last year when I became pregnant with my now 9 month old son. I have so loved your positivity, your fun, vigour, love of family and little Brookers. It has been a true pleasure reading your blog over the past year and following along with all of your running and mommy adventures (I am also a runner/triathlete and a teacher, so I feel like I can really relate to you…we would definitely be bFFs if we lived closeby!). Anyways, I haven’t been able to stop thinking/talking (with my husband) about you and I felt that I really wanted to write you a message and let you know how much you mean to me and how inspiring you are. It sounds really odd because we have never met, yet I definitely feel like we have since I read all about you each and every day, and I just love love love it! I respect your privacy and also think it is very admirable of you to be so honest. Carry on being your positive, fun-loving, focus on what is good and right self…we love you! And if you are hurting, I am sure that you know we are here to support you in anyway we possibly can. I am praying for you and your family :)

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Ruth@FacetiousFarang August 23, 2013 at 12:21 am

Janae, I’ve followed your blog for almost three years now, and I’ve always appreciated your wit and openness, and your upbeat attitude to life. I’ve also loved watching Brooke grow, especially as I’m anticipating the birth of my baby girl in a few months. I was a little behind with my blog reading, and I was so saddened to read this entry today. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now – you and Brooke are in my prayers.

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Megan August 23, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Oh this made me hurt for you. I read your blog regularly and was out of town and then saw this.

You and your precious daughter are in my prayers.

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Lar August 25, 2013 at 4:56 pm

Tears came to my eyes as I read this post, my daughter was the same age as your daughter when I chose to move on. Running was my gift and 7 years later, running still represents what gets me through the tough stuff.

Chin up fellow runner; you know what they say “it’s darkest before dawn”.

You are in our prayers.

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Dagmar August 26, 2013 at 3:33 am

I am very sorry to read that and wish you much strength. A 10-year relationship ended for me three years ago, and it was a very difficult time, as if someone had tugged the floor out from under me. Now, three years later, I am happily married, but I remember that horrible time very vividly and wish you and Brooke all the best to get through it and out the other end.

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Gabby August 28, 2013 at 5:18 pm

I don’t know where I’ve been but I had to read back to catch up. First of all, happy dearest 1st birthday to Miss Brooke.

Secondly, my heart aches for you but know that so many of us are thinking of you and praying for you. You’re strong and you’ll get through it – you seem to have an amazing support system. Lean on them (and eat a few too many scoops of ice cream) to help.

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Kristin September 1, 2013 at 5:41 pm

I am so sorry Janae. Your blog is one of my very favorites and even though I rarely comment, I feel like we are friends. My heart is hurting for you but I know you will get through this! We are all here for you.

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Allison September 2, 2013 at 9:04 am

I am so sorry to read this, I have enjoyed your blog posts about your life and running. Keep posting, everyone can see how strong you are, and I know you will keep running. I have been in your situation and having a supportive family is so important; and your daughter will be fine. Your readers are all here for you – one day at a time. Thinking of you and all the smiles you have brought to so many, wish we could do the same for you now.

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yx September 5, 2013 at 1:45 am

so sorry to hear this. hang in there.

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Stephanie September 10, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Hi lady,

Long time no talk and I am sorry to catch up under such circumstances. I wanted to send my love though. I was thinking of you today so went to catch up on your blog adn found out what is going on. You have battled so much in your life. I already know you know you are strong and can make it through. But you don’t have to do it alone. I am here, we are here for you, whatever you need.

big big hugs
steph

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Ashley September 19, 2013 at 2:51 pm

Hi-
I wanted to let you know that people are still thinking of you and praying for you in this hard time.

xo
Ashley

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Dominique September 20, 2013 at 2:46 pm

Hugs from Texas!!!! You are strong. I’m so glad your family is there to support you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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amy November 14, 2013 at 11:10 am

im just seeing this. im so so sorry. thinking about you and your family. what a beautiful little daughter you have to make you smile every day!! my daughter has the same name so obviously you have good taste :). thinking of you!

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Luba December 18, 2013 at 1:49 am

Hi Janae,
I just discovered your wonderfully uplifting blog:) I’m sorry to read about this heartbreak. During my separation and divorce, my running, little munchkin and family kept me uplifted. One mile at a time…
Hugs, Luba

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Cheri December 24, 2013 at 8:29 pm

I’m kind of new to your blog, and stumbled on this – I’m so sorry to see this, but I hope you’re feeling a lot better about the situation.

Many, many, many hugs!

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